I’m so tired of California
I want to go to London
Fuck California! Come visit me in London!!
I love you.
It’s a bit too personal to be typing out on tumblr I think, sorry :/
Things may not seem as bad to the outside world but my head is falling apart, the smile on my face is false
I speak to my fiancée, and I have a few select friends, but I don’t want to burden them, it’s funny how people say ‘oh you can always talk to me anytime’ then when you do try and talk to them there not interested or tell you to get over it, or they’re to into there own problems, it’s not fair talking to people sometimes
I wish that when you order stuff online it would turn up 10 minutes later. I want my CD and T-shirt!
Hurting myself seems to be the thing I turn to when I’m depressed, i didn’t for months and now it’s like I’m sinking again..
I really want to cut my upper arm, it’s been itching like mad all day, it feels like ice cold blood is just pooling in my shoulder and dripping down to my elbow. I have beetles crawling over and biting my brain making my thoughts itch and I keep scratching my head and making it bleed :(
I’ve hurt someone I really care about recently… And I hate myself for it.
I don’t want to be me anymore, I want to be someone nice with no emotional problems, who doesnt break thier fiancees heart over pathetic head fucks someone who can go through a single day without breaking down at some point! Without freaking out about something, or other, I would give anything to be able to give my fiancée just one day of being with someone who he doesn’t have to be careful what he says or does all the time, without worrying that I’m gonna snap at any minute.
I’m sick of being useless i’m sick of being needy I’m sick of being fat I’m sick of being sick I’m sick of always being tired I’m sick of being stressed I’m sick of being a bitch I’m sick of having aches everywhere I’m sick of just being me.